Harry Potter and the Nearly Half Blood Prince
by BUG-SLAYER
Summary: okay i decided i wanted to spoof the harry potter series, and for no apparent reason i started with the sixth book. rr


An: Wahoo! New story! Bwahahaha! I think I'm going to start a new series like this. Make fun of the Harry Potter books chapter by chapter! Bwahahaha! Feel my wrath!

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_**The Pea Brained Minister**_

It was nearly midnight and the prime minister was sitting at his desk doodling on a very important memo about some idiots threatening to blow England off the map or something like that. He was suppose to be waiting for a call from some president telling him that he had permission from his mommy and that the prime minister should come over and plays. The prime minister had had a long, hard tired week and was just happy to doodle all over the paper and wonder if he should bring Malibu Barbie or his new prince Aidan doll. the prime minister knew he SHOULD be thinking about the bridge that just blew up, the murders, or the freak hurricane that just struck west country killing thousands of people and destroying hundreds of houses, but why should he be thinking about all those boring thoughts when he could be thinking about all his super spiffy babies, and what cute dressies he could put them in. and besides, he could just dump all that hard work on his understudies in the morning.

A grim mood has gripped the country" the paper he was SUPPOSE to be reading said as he scribbled over it with little pink hearts. Some how in his pea-sized brain, the minister registered this statement as true. The people didn't seem as happy as before and it was a little bit cloudy, but then again this IS England we're talking about and England is always at least a little bit cloudy. But still, the clouds just didn't seem right. The prime minister glanced out his window sighing as he saw the hot pink clouds before returning to his "work". He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he knew there was something wrong with those clouds.

He turned over to the second page of the memo and began to scribble furiously on that. He was in the middle of another perfect pink heart when he heard a loud hacking cough behind him.

He froze, staring down at the important document on his desk covered in hearts stars and horse shoes clovers and blue moons, pots of gold and rainbows and the red balloons. He knew that cough, he had heard it before. He slowly turned, knocking over his desk to face the empty room.

"Hello!" he said trying to sound more upset than he actually felt. For a few moments he waited in disappointment, thinking that the portrait wasn't going to answer him, but the toad like man replied curtly.

"To the prime minister of muggles. Urgent we meet. Kindly respond immediately. Sincerely fudge."

The toad- mean dude in the painting gazed dopily at the prime minister.

"err," said the prime minister using what his mommy would call his big boy voice, "listen... it's not a very good time for me... I'm waiting for a call, you see...from the president of-"

"That can be rearranged." said the portrait at once. The prime ministers heart sank.

"but I wanted to play dollies!" he whined.

"We shall arrange for the president to forget to call. He will telephone tomorrow night instead. Kindly respond immediately to mister fudge."

"I ... oh... very well." said the prime minister "yes I'll see fudge."

Our dolly-obsessed minister quickly rearranged his tie and trained his dopey smile into a more serious expression, staring at the empty grate as he watched it burst into a pretty green flame, and a fat balding guy with a terrible sense of fashion stepped out, dusting ash off as he went.

"Ah... prime minister." said Cornelius fudge, striding foreword with his hand out stretched "good to see you again"

The prime minister, who was upset that this man had ruined his playmate, replied back with a major sarcastic overtone and obvious eye twitch. "yes isn't it just SPIFFY!"

Fudge, however seemed not to notice the sarcasm or eye twitch, because he was either too old or to stupid to realize it, and waited for the minister to reluctantly shake his hand. And a thick silence magically filled the air in all its hot pink glory.

"how may I help you" the prime minister asked trying to break the creepy silence and gestured to the fuchsia chair in front of his desk.

"Difficult to know where to beguine." muttered fudge, pulling up the chair to the desk and sprawling out in it in the weirdest way possible. "What a week, what a week..."

"Had a bad one too, have you?" asked the prime minister; still pouting about missing playing with his dolls and hoping that fudge would get the hint and leave.

"Yes of course" said fudge, rubbing his eyes wearily and looking morosely at the minister. "I've been having the same week as you have prime minister, the Brock dale bridge... the bones, and blah blah blah." the prime minister zoned out, knowing the evil-man-who-loves-destroying-play-dates aka fudge was moving on to the boring stuff that he had been avoiding all night.

He spoke up when EMWLDPD aka fudge finished rambling on " you- err- your- I mean to say some of your people were- were involved in those- those things, were they?" he said in an oh so intelligent manner

Fudge fixed the prime minister with a look that read 'you are such a moron' and ' I can't believe I have to work with such and idiot like you' and said "surely you've realized what's going on?"

"I..."hesitated the minister

It was also at that exact moment that the minister had a completely random flash back

**completely random flash back**

He had been standing alone in this very office savoring the triumph that was his. He had just been made prime minister! He just couldn't wait to tell his mommy! She was going to be soooooo proud! He was gazing around the room imagining how the office would look bright pink with my little pony wall paper when he heard a loud cough behind him. He turned around to find that ugly little portrait talking to him, announcing the minister of magic was about to arrive and introduce himself.

naturally he immediately thought he was dreaming and waited for the care bears to come and take him to the top of the great candy mountain, to sing and dance and play all day long, but after a few minutes of waiting, he resigned himself to the fact that this was not a dream and he was going to have to listen to the man standing in front of him talk. And talk the man did. He spoke of witches and wizards and stuff and a lot more boring stuff about magic and such. Of course the prime minister STILL believed he might be dreaming, so to test to see if he was dreaming or not he decided to ask the dude a question.

"you're- you're not a hoax are you?" and ended up with a cute little gerbil he named Mr.Snufflepants. After this conversation, he tried desperately to take the painting off the wall. he got all these super spiffy people with really fancy titles to come in and try to take the painting off the wall, but in the end the painting stayed stuck to the wall, so the prime minister just had an artist come in and give the painting a pink frilly dress and pink and purple high lights. There had also been other times that the EMWLDPD had come, but the prime minister had gotten so drunk afterwards he couldn't remember a thing.

After thinking about all these things though he came suddenly to the end of the completely random flashback and zoned into the present

** End of completely random flash back**

"How should I know what's going on in the wizarding community?" snapped the prime minister "I have a country to run and enough concerns at the moment without-"

"We all have the same concerns." EMWLDPD interrupted "the Brock dale bridge didn't wear out. The freak hurricane blah blah blah."

It was at this time the minister applied an old technique he learned in grade school. He let his subconscious reiterate half of what fudge was saying, to make it look like he was paying attention, while letting his mind drift on to more pressing matters, such as if his Cinderella doll would look better in the purple or blue dress as EMWLDPD rambled on and on.

The prime minister however DID pay attention when the portrait on the wall began to cough again.

"To the prime minister of muggles. Requesting a meeting. Urgent. Kindly respond immediately. Rufus Scrimgeour minister of magic."

"Yes, yes fine" said the prime minister distractedly and barely glanced at the fire place as it burst into pretty green flames.

" Wazaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" said the prime minister holding out his hand.

Scrimgeour grasped it briefly his eyes scanning the room." fudge told you everything?" he asked before locking the door.

"Yessur!" said the minister happily" death and destruction is on the way!"

at this statement Rufus Scrimgeour, who the prime minister had secretly begun to call ruffie wuffie in his head, raised an eyebrow at this and said " right, well I'm a busy man so lets just get down to business. first of all blah blah blah." once again our estimable prime minister zoned out of the present and began to speak to the little voices in his head. He was just in the middle of a debate with fluffers the furry rabbit, when the two ministers disappeared through the green fire stuff. the prime minister waited a few minutes before reaching down and picking up one of his my little pony dolls, who had fallen to the ground in all the excitement before bringing it up to his face and speaking quite clearly to it " those sure were strange men bunches-of-fun."


End file.
